Thanksgiving

On the train home yesterday, my head was completly devoid of thought. As in, I couldn't think of anything. It was very relaxing. A few hours later, I almost told the conducter to turn the train around, that I wasn't going home. I miss my family, I do, but I didn't miss most of my friends, and thats who I'd be spending time with. The bright side of coming home is that since The Guys haven't seen me in forever, they act like every second is vital, but I know if I stayed for longer that would fade. I like catching up with Rockers Girlfriend, but that's one night out of how many? I already miss my apartment and my being alone-ness. It's only for a few days though, and that I am glad of. I came home to my 'room' and found that all it had in it was a table and my bookcase. No bed. So this weekend is blown up mattress time, yay. I have family dinners coming out the wazoo. And now i'm watching cartoons. mmmmm cartoons. Have a good Thanksgiving everyone!

Settling in

My apartment is unpacked, and is starting to feel like home. Just as I thought, I don't miss The Guys as much as they miss me, but I think it's just because the were wearing me out acting like children. I go back to Toronto for Thanksgiving, so I'll get to see my family again which rocks. I messaged my boss to let her know that I would be coming back for Thanksgiving and to put me in for a few shifts over that break, a little extra money. She messaged me back saying that she thought I was leaving for good, so terminated my employee number. I won't get into the whole conversation, but I was pretty pissed off because the whole time that i've been planning for university, i've told all of them that i'd be back for the holidays. I know she was feeling pissed off because I was leaving, but I can't help but think she did it purposely so I wouldn't come back to work there, yet she still talks to me online all the time. ugh. Lifes pretty boring here, seeing as I don't know many people, but It's also kind of nice because I have a lot more time to myself. The osap thing got figured out (fingers crossed) and hopefully i'll be hearing back from them soon. either than that nothing else to report, I hope everyones having a good fall!

Catch 22

My first feeling of "what the hell was I thinking??" came the first night I moved into the apartment. I had one of those splitting migraines, where you don't care if theres curtains on your window or not, your going to strip down and shower and go to bed naked, if it only means the pain will stop for 5 secounds. I was naseaus, couldn't look at light, and about an hour after my Ma and Stepda leave, my Ma calls and says that my brother had forgotten his cell phone and I needed to drive it to where they were parked. The thought hit me when I had crawled under my duvet, with no sheets and one pillow, because everything else was still packed. Everything. My contact case, my solution, pajamas, clean underwear, Everything. And I thought, what the hell have I done? I've moved into an apartment I can't afford, to a town halfway accross the province, away from everyone and everything that I knew, with no way out. This sounds blissfull to some people, a fresh start, but to me I felt like there was no going back. The good thing about moving to a town where one person knows me? You don't give a shite what you look like leaving the house. You know you won't run into anyone you know, so you can wear those lovehandle jeans and no bra. You don't have to comb your hair if you've been moving all day. It's kind of nice. Like my Unluck dictates, I've had nothing but problems so far. No curtain rods to hang up my curtains, so everyone can see into my ground floor apartment with floor to ceiling windows. My OSAP was cancelled and I can't get ahold of the office until next week, which means no money for at least a month or so. my credit card is so run up on things like groceries and cleaning products, stuff i'd never thought of getting, that now i'm pretty far in debt. The move was interesting. Fatarse and another buddy moved all of my furniture and wordly goods from the house into the truck the night before we moved, which was nice of them, but we were supposed to have a trailer to put all the stuff on. Uhaul completly screwed us over, when we had booked a trailer a month ago, complete with confirmation number and everything, and suddenly, our trailer had been given away, the day before we had to leave. We demanded they find a new one, seeing as we HAD reserved it, but they hummed and hawed and couldn't find anything, so we ended up paying about $80 more for a truck from a different company. It took us 5 hours to drive from my town to Ottawa, me and my brother in one car, and my mom and dennis in the moving van. we stopped a few times for snacks and gas, but otherwise uneventful trip. Movig into the building, thats different, because we had to move in sections and it took about 20 minutes to move each section, plus when we got to the apartment someone who hadn't reserved the freight elevator was using it to move their stuff, so we had to wait. Ma and Stepda ordered in dinner and we all scarfed it down in record time, unearthing plates and cutlery. Then they had to drive back 5 hours that same day, because the truck couldn't be gone later than that. O yeah, it sucked. The night before I left there were a few huge partys, and all The Guys were there, going on about how much they'll miss me. It was nice, but I had the feeling if I wasn't leaving, they wouldn't have shown as much affection as they did. Oh well. With the exception of my clothes, i'm now moved in almost completly, still with no curtains and still broke as all else.

Hello all

I know, its been super long, and for this I apoligize. I've gotten an early acceptance to University, and have to work two jobs now to pay tuition. Unfortunatly, this means cutting down on the things I love, like this blog. I work 6-7 days a week, so hopefully things will calm down in september, check back here (if your still interested!) about then, but I won't (and don't) have time for the blog right now, I am so sorry.

To put any minds at rest, Rocker still isn't speaking to me and I doubt he will by the time I make the move to Uni. I've gotten over it more now, and it really only sucks when I remeber things that we used to do for fun, but like a bad breakup, the pain heals over time I guess. The Guys see me occasionally, but they have their own stuff going on and usually I only get to see them on the weekends because of my working all the time.

Again, sorry, but hopefully you'll still be interested in September, my first post will be about the move!

Girl Drama.

Rockers girlfriend and I had been getting along fairly well, to my knowledge. Now, i'm not normally one to make friends with The Guys girlfriends, because they tend to come and go pretty quickly. This one is so much like me though, I felt like it could've been a decent friendship, as decent as one could get when you base a friendship where the biggest thing you have in common is the love of her life was trying to do me.

When we go out, shes fun. We get along great and share stuff, its generally nice having someone to talk to when your out with a bunch of guys. Apprently though, she doesn't feel the same.

A few days ago, Singer and one of the kids was telling me that she didn't come out that previous saturday because of me. Singer heard her on the phone saying "If Irish is there, I'm not fucking coming!". The kid told me also that when he was on the phone with me one time, she asked who it was and when he said me, she rolled her eyes.

It gets slightly more complicated. Both times she was with Rocker, so is she putting it on for his benefit? Or is she just a great faker when shes around me?

The saturday she refused to come out, we had hung out that friday from about 7 to about 3 in the morning. We had a fantastic time, talking and chatting, and yet she badmouthed me the next day?

I honestly don't think Singer and the Kid would lie to me, they have nothing to gain from it, and they just aren't like that. But as well, her possible fakeness is just too real. When you hate someone deep down, you don't suggest they spend more time with you and so on.

I'm normally the kind to confront people, if they have a problem, balls out lets hear it. I hate when people have the testicles to hate me, but none to tell me why. So heres my dilema...

Rocker is semi speaking to me now. Only in public places, but small stuff like answering my questions, asking me questions and laughing at my jokes and stuff, which is a huge step from being completly ignored. I don't want to start problems again with this girl if it means that its going to split our group of friends AGAIN. I also don't want to be seen as weak. I don't want people thinking that if one chick can get away with badmouthing me, the rest can, because I honestly don't need it. I want to resolve problems with her, if any, but i'm not even sure if there are any.

So i'm stuck. Until I find out more information, I'm screwed.

Back at Steves music store....

This guys name wasn't Steve by the way. I fully asked.

He explained to us that of 14 bands, only 6 would get a chance at a recording contract. How it worked in Ottawa was that the audience votes for the bands. The top 6 bands who get the most votes get a chance at a recording contract, but of those 6, the judges pick who gets to go on. In Ottawa, the band that made it to Toronto was number 4 or something, but they start with the first band voted, and if they weren't great they move onto the next.

After all this, I was pretty excited. Hunk and Fallhard were trying their best not to look like amateurs, but I was too busy trying to look only half as pumped as I actually was.

The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful, we got stuck in traffic on the Don Valley Parkway (shakes fist) for two hours. The night of the Opera House came, and One of the guys drove us down to it.

The weird thing about this concert was that you couldn't leave the building, not even to smoke. You could only leave if you weren't coming back. Inside the Opera House was about ten thousand degrees, so I was glad I had worn shorts. Everyone was pretty pumped, and Rocker did his best to ignore, but as mentioned before, he tries to act like hes not ignoring me to make it seem like everythings alright to the other guys, even though they know its not. Pssht and they say females are complicated.

The guys were in the first group to go, so they were done by about 9:30. They blew the top off the place and everyone LOVED them. They played a flawless show and made it to second place (!!!!), but the group before them were a type of Black Eyed Peas group, and were pretty awesome.

After they were on, the rest of us decided to call it a night. Now, 9:30 isn't exactly a night, but the show went on for another 5 hours, and the Guys had to stay or they were disqualified. I would've even stayed to enjoy the other bands, but there was no where to sit. On our way out, the girls all stopped to hug Rocker. Way Akward. Even more akward was the way on of the girls (all of 16 yrs old) clung to him, and yes the green eyed jealous monster reared its head, but only long enough for practical irish to be like why bother? I said bye, and we left. Pretty uneventful night after that, and I was pretty disapointed they didn't win. They definatly wanted it bad enough, they should've got it. So close.

In other news, girl drama has reared its head.

The Opera House

So the thursday before the show, I went over to Fallhards to pick up my ticket, since he already owed me money, I only paid for about half of it. I got to his house and we sat on his lawn for a bit.

"What're you doing today?" He asked.

"Nothing really, why?"

This was a big fat lie, I had planned to be on the phone most of the day deciding college stuff. But that seemed unappatizing, so I was curious what he was doing. He told me that him and Hunk had to go to Toronto (ugh!) to talk to someone about the show, and wondered if I wanted to go with. So, away we went.

When we got down there, We passed CityTV, or as most people know it, MuchMusic headquarters. They were setting up for the MMVA's, and erecting the stages as we stood and watched. It was quite the site, seeing everything being set up, and there were people everywhere, which must've been frustrating for drivers already having to navigate through 1 lane of traffic each direction and cars parked on the sides of the roads.

We sat down and had some lunch, and made it back just in time to meet with the guy planning everything for the Opera House. He looked as though he had lived a bit of the rocker lifestyle, slightly balding but with a I-could-give-two-shites look on his face, and sleeves of tattoos on his arms. He seemed nice enough, but you could tell he was under some kind of stress, and had been through this shpeal about 10 times already.

"Alright," He started to explain, "This is how it's going to work."

Shite brother needs the net, more later.